what I'm holding on to

I helped a child through a high ropes course today and quickly found myself realizing that it wasn't really challenging him but it was definitely challenging me. More of a mental game than anything, but also a physical one and really it was just a good experience for me to have... to be less in control than I am accustomed to being... all while a number of feet in the air.

At one point I told myself I was depending too much on my harness and clinging to the cable above me, and decided I should try to see if I'd be able to just walk across a particular section of the course without holding on to either my harness or the cable. I let go of the harness, and could not take a step. Although it seemed like the contact of my hand on the harness wasn't stabilizing me at all... it actually was. Either it was just giving me the mental confidence to take the next step, or I was also using it in some physical way (and I think I was, just slightly) but whatever the case, I could not move a foot without hanging on to that harness.

I think sometimes the presence of God in my life is so constant and so steady that I do not realize it is what I'm holding on to. So then I try to take a step a little bit in my own direction because I think I'm leaning on my own skill or knowledge or because I think my own skill or knowledge is sufficient... and I suddenly realize... it's not. I can not move a foot without hanging on to God.

We have to realize what's holding us, because we have to know Where To Go when we don't feel held.