in pursuit of an undivided heart

Because I have found myself faulty many times in the way that I think, and because I know it to be folly to "believe in myself" as it goes in current culture, I sometimes find myself distancing from any intellectual engagement at all. Someone asks me for an opinion or a perspective, and because I've grown wary of my ability to respond well (because I've been wrong lots of times) or because I'm fearful of the vulnerability required to respond, or because I'm still getting used to the adulthood weight of my decisions and thoughts impacting other people's lives, or whatever the reason may be - I tell myself that my opinion isn't necessary and withdraw.

It's true that my personal flawed opinion -- the shortsighted one that is primarily thinking of my own interests even if I'm not realizing it -- probably isn't necessary. That opinion is not very trustworthy. But there's a difference between trusting in myself, and trusting the Spirit within me. And I have quite a bit to learn still about distinguishing between the two.

Jen Wilkin writes in "In His Image": "We love to deceive ourselves that in choosing self, we have chosen rightly. And we love to deceive others that our choosing of self is actually not selfish. We become wise in our own eyes, as Proverbs says, giving the appearance of wisdom, but inwardly desiring the approval of others. When the Bible makes the distinction between Godly wisdom and worldly wisdom, it is not separating a higher form of wisdom from a lesser one; it is distinguishing between true and false, between wisdom and folly. Worldly wisdom is not wisdom at all. [...] Simply put, any thought, word, or deed that compromises our ability to love God and neighbor is folly. Utter foolishness. The height of stupidity. The worldly-wise place themselves in opposition to God, operating from their own perspective of what is best, a perspective that seeks only the best for them." (p. 138-139). Ouch. This isn't even including the part in between where she details some sharp contrasts between Godly wisdom and worldly wisdom that left me questioning if I have any Godly wisdom at all. Like I said, I have a lot to learn.

When we lack godly wisdom (the only true kind of wisdom), we're called to ask for it. But, she cautions, when we ask for wisdom we have to make sure we're truly asking for wisdom - and not just knowledge or foreknowledge of a situation. Wisdom is a tool to guide decision-making. Knowledge eliminates decision-making at all, in some cases. And often we want knowledge, but we ask for wisdom because we know wisdom is an honorable thing to desire, while desire for knowledge of God's plans is pretty faithless. Jen directs our attention to the Biblical example of Solomon, and I'm going to come back to some of what she shared about that. But jumping first to a few sermon notes from last night:

Solomon loved the Lord - but did he love God with all his heart? He took a foreign wife, even while knowing that it was discouraged, forbidden by God for good reason. Did he justify it because it was convenient for security or peace -- political reasons? Did it seem wise because of circumstances that also appealed to his flesh -- this seems wise and also has the added bonus of personal gain for me? Did it seem justified because his father David had done the same thing?

People who have a divided heart and multiple motives kind of can end up in a bad place.

My motive for doing something is what God sees. The only right motive is that God would be pleased with us.

I Corinthians 4: "Moreover it is required in stewards, that a man be found faithful. But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged of you, or of man's judgment: yea, I judge not mine own self."

What really matters is what God thinks of what he's doing, not what other people think of what he's doing.

If I judge my own self I'm always going to come out on the good end of it. We run the risk of judging something as "wisdom" when it is conveniently aligned with what we desire in our flesh.

"Wisdom doesn't stand alone, because Solomon had it all and he fell apart. He was unable to do what he knew that he was supposed to do. So wisdom must be coupled together with the right motive - with faith. Faith is doing something, its an action word. (Hebrews 11)

Faith is when the motive to do what God wants trumps the motive to do what we want.

We see a picture of Solomon who had tons of wisdom but he lacked faith -- in the sense that should I do it God's way, or the way that pleases me? And so it's very possible for some of us with less wisdom, but who do have a sense of faith, to have better results than even Solomon had. Wisdom is wonderful and we want it, but it really needs to be coupled with faith - the sense of I want to have the right motive, God's motive, and carry out, because Solomon knew he wasn't supposed to do all the wrong things that he did, it wasn't that he didn't know, its just that he didn't do it, because he wasn't convinced. Praise be to God that he gives us wisdom, and he gives us faith, if we pursue it."

On some level, wisdom is being willing to act in the absence of knowledge, trusting not ourselves - neither our past experiences nor our giftings nor anything else - but in faith trusting instead the framework of God in us.

Back to Jen Wilkin - as her writing continues, she reflects on the fact that Solomon, in his moment of decision-making to enact justice between two women both claiming the same child, does not ask God for knowledge because he had already been granted by God an internal framework for making decisions. "He uses the knowledge he has to make the best decision he can. Wisdom is a mark of spiritual maturity. [...] The spiritually mature develop the ability to discern what is good and what is evil. They move beyond being told basic truths to internalizing them so they perceive the world differently. [...] I wish that the rest of Solomon's story had followed the course of his early years. Later in his life, he wandered from the path of godly wisdom onto the path of folly. The man who wrote that "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom" traded the fear of the Lord for the fear of man, thereby trading wisdom for folly. He devoted himself to sensuality, wealth, and power. His story teaches us that there is no such thing as "once wise, always wise." for anyone but God. Like patience, mercy, and grace, we must remain constantly aware of our need for a sustaining supply of wisdom. [...] But how does God give wisdom? How can we hope to develop this inner sense of discernment between good and evil? We do so by declaring as Solomon did, "Bring me a sword": "For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of the soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart (Heb 4:12). The Word of God gives us discernment into what is arguable the area we need it most: the thoughts and intentions of our own hearts. In seeing our own depravity, we develop a right reverence (fear) of the Lord. And wisdom begins to be formed in us. When God points out your sin, you are wise to turn from it. The most basic act of wisdom is repentance. Turning from sin trains us in how to hate it, in how to anticipate the temptation points, and in how to seek the Holy Spirit's aid in finding the way of escape. It is not coincidental that a lack of discernment and a neglected Bible are so often found in company. The Bible contains for us ancient words of wisdom, and it tells us also of the example of Christ, who became for us wisdom from God:

"For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence. But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God—and righteousness and sanctification and redemption— that, as it is written, “He who glories, let him glory in the Lord.”"

That all glory would be to God. That our hearts would be undivided, our worship pure, our motives singular. That our pursuit of wisdom would be for His plan to be carried forth in the world, and none of our own added or extra agenda. That being holy and godly would matter more than being right or comfortable. That my relationship with the Lord would be so central, that when I carefully and cautiously open my mouth I can trust that it is the Spirit of God within me and not just me trusting my own self. That this can make me bold because of the freedom and confidence found in pure motives. That my motive would always and only be for the approval of God and not for the approval of man. That always my audience would be, an Audience of One.

The story of me was a story of shame

Wrong turns written on every page

So many parts that were so messed up

But I love the part where You showed up

Rewriting my past, rewriting my hurt

Line by line, word by word

And now my story is livin' proof

There's not a chapter that you can't use

Now the story of me is a story of grace

Fingerprints of mercy on every page

No more ashamed of the path I took

You set me free to be an open book

If even my scars are part of Your plan

Take all of my heart, Lord, here I am

My only cause 'til You call me home

Is knowin' You more and makin' You known

All of me, all for You

Let all I say and all I do

Point to the One who changed my life

And let me speak the legacy I leave behind

My story, Your glory

My pain, Your purpose

My mess, Your message

In all things, I know You're workin'

One life, one mission

One reason why I'm livin'

All for You, not for me

My story, Your glory

My Story, Your Glory - Matthew West