helping the hurting

Often things that sound like accusations are actually pleas for love.

I got a long message recently. A very long one filled with a lot of pointed fingers, a lot of half-truths, and a lot of emotion. When Grant asked me how I had spent my day, I replied that honestly it had taken me most of the afternoon to just digest the information properly. It was that kind of message.

My instinctive reaction was to slowly start punching out words back; experience has taught me to tame those words but even so, I eventually just stopped with those words all together and set my phone down and stared into space for a while. And then I prayed. I told God that I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what she needed. I didn't know how God was planning to work with her or work this out. Much of her hurt is misplaced, her vision nearsighted, and her perspective very, very limited. We all get this way when we've been hurt, and she's no exception. I felt backed into a corner with no good way to respond and knew that any move I did make was going to be with the knowledge that I was likely sacrificing relationship no matter what.

I literally felt the change that came into my heart after I prayed. After a while there was compassion where there had been self-defense and God opened my eyes to see the hurt behind her words.

Brokenness. Hurt. Pain. Betrayal. Desperation. Fear. Exhaustion. Sin. Insecurity. Loss. She is grieving. And all that she needs from me, right now, in this moment, is to be present in that need with her. She needs someone to hand her a cool drink of water and say "I am here with you." If you read only her words, you would not think that is what she is asking for. She was actually asking for other things. She may still need those other things, sometime. But often things that sound like accusations are actually pleas for love. Maybe this is why we have laundry piles, so we can sort things out in our heads while we sort out the laundry too, and so that we can pray.